It's Natural?

While perusing the selection of bagel accessories at breakfast the other day, my eye happened to pause on a seemingly innocuous container labelled "Natural Peanut Butter." Not being a particularly avid consumer of peanut butter myself, I don't know how many times I have passed it over and failed to fully register its significance. This time, though, I stood for some time pondering the implications of this startling discovery. I had never imagined that peanut butter could be anything but artifical, but here before me was natural peanut butter- straight from Nature, untouched by human hands. I imagined great lakes of molten peanut butter seething deep below the surface of the earth until they burst forth in cataclysmic eruptions, or flowed forth like lava in creamy streams to be harvested and collected in jars by brave prospectors. Or perhaps great peanut butter swamps lay hidden deep within the jungle, engulfing unwary travellers like quicksand. In front of me, the peanut butter bubbled.

Sed magna est veritas et praevalebit. The Blue Potato, as usual, was one step ahead of me. I recalled an article dated January 11, 2000:

"PEANUT BUTTER DEPOSITS DISCOVERED BENEATH SANDS OF SAUDI ARABIA'S VAST DESERT REGIONS"

For years Saudi Arabia's vast Rub 'al Khali, or "Empty Quarter', has remained largely unknown and unsettled except for the nomadic Bedouins who travel this area, the largest expanse of sand in the world. However, just as Saudi Arabia has the largest oil reserves in the world, especially in its eastern province bordering the Persian Gulf, its empty southern region has also proven to contain a treasure: jars upon jars of peanut butter, just several feet below the surface of the sands.

Of course, upon further reflection it's unfortunate that just when modern technology has allowed us to synthesize artifical peanut butter, these culinary Luddites insist that we be dependent on Middle Eastern countries for our peanut butter. No good can come of that.