Ora, Labora, Olives

Today is the feast of St. Benedict, patron saint of Europe and founder of Western monasticism.

If you've been following the prophecies of St. Malachy, the phrase gloria olivae must have leapt to mind when Cardinal Ratzinger sibi nomen imposuit Benedict XVI last April (transcript; audio via Cnytr). That's because St. Malachy reportedly attributed this motto, meaning "the glory of the olive", to the 111th Pope, counting inclusively from Celestine II (Malachy lived in the 12th century, and reserved his prophecies for future Popes, the bygone papacies generally being considered old news).

Speaking of olives, today is also the feast of my confirmation saint, the Irish martyr Oliver Plunkett (beatified by Pope Benedict XV, wouldn't you know it). But more to the point, how does Benedict XVI fit into the prophecies? Well, it so happens there's a branch (pun not intended) of the Benedictines known as the Olivetans. Chalk it up to the omniscience of hindsight? Sure, except the prophecy buffs picked up on the connection well in advance and have long predicted that the Pope in question would be from the Benedictine order.

If the election of Ratzinger (who turned out not to have been a Benedictine after all) cast a momentary shadow of uncertainty upon the hearts of St. Malachy's devotees, his choice of name must have banished all doubts that he was in fact the one prophesied to bring balance to the Force... wait, wrong prophecy. (After all, for all his ludicrous and undeserved characterization as the "Darth Vader" of the Catholic Church, Ratzinger would be the last person to fall for the sort of moral relativism that snagged Anakin Skywalker, and whatever Obi-Wan Kenobi may say, absolutes are precisely what a Sith doesn't deal in. Did anyone else notice the implications of Palpatine's characterization of the Jedi as "rigid and dogmatic" in Revenge of the Sith? But I digress.) At any rate, chalk up another one to St. Malachy, but don't make any long-range plans, because it turns out this is the end. The 112th prophecy reads:

In the final persecution of the Holy Roman Church there will reign Peter the Roman, who will feed his flock amid many tribulations; after which the seven-hilled city will be destroyed and the dreadful Judge will judge the people. The End.

And that's it, folks. Though if you still find the "olive" connection a little dubious, you're welcome to seek a second opinion.

There was something familiar about [Ratzinger] when our eyes met during that episode when he had "looked" back at me through the television. I recognized this person. The next day it dawned on me that it was Ata-i-lek, a top-ranking Green Reptilian military commander from Atasoon. I realized that he had just recently begun overshadowing Cardinal Ratzinger! ...Ata-i-lek had just "come into" the human body of Joseph Ratzinger shortly before the conclave commenced. It is no wonder that he was able to win the election so quickly.

This is just weird. But there's this strange reference to something that sounds like the Rapture!

As promised, the evacuation of the animals from Alukar Heights commenced in April 2005. Already, 15 of them have been physically picked up. More will follow, but remember, not everyone will be physically evacuated. If you are not in the physical evacuation, do not be concerned. Many will be leaving in other ways. All will be well.

I think my chances of being raptured are pretty slim in either case, but I have taken the precaution of registering with www.raptureletters.com. If and when the Rapture occurs, I will receive this letter informing me of the occurence (sent automatically in the event that the website staff are themselves "taken up") and giving me a chance to mend my erring Papist ways before it's too late.

Do I still want to bother applying to grad school?